Mostly, I’m Thankful for You

Thanksgiving 2012 – a holiday weekend that I will always remember. Not because of the turkey or the wine, but rather because of a decision that I made on the eve of the long weekend.

Today’s post is for each person that read my last post – the one entitled “My Story in a Giant Nutshell.” Today’s post is about me humbling myself, and asking for your forgiveness.

Allow me to set the scene.

Picture a sweet puppy dog (not a yappy one), who has just peed on the carpet. That’s me. I’ve just peed on your carpet. I’ve just acted impulsively. And so, I’m sitting here, looking up at you with big puppy dog eyes, trying to convey as best as I can, how deeply sorry I am.

You see, my last blog post was a big one for a number of you. The content was a bit shocking, and the honesty a bit too honest. I wrote from a place of rawness and vulnerability, and some of you weren’t ready for that.

For those of you who were hurt, shocked, burdened or overwhelmed by my post – I am truly and deeply sorry. That was definitely not my intention – to hurt anyone with my story. *sigh* And now, I feel awful knowing that I’ve hurt you. It feels like my heart is aching, and I want to rush and take it all back.

To be fair, there has been some good that has come from my post. People that I haven’t talked to in years (or months) have messaged me to say how touched they were. How it inspired them. How they’re encouraged by my story. And if you were one of those people, then you were one of the people that kept me afloat on this long weekend, so thank you! But mostly, I’ve felt really sad for the past few days.

You know when you’re driving in your car or walking along the street, with your very own soundtrack playing the perfect music in your ear, and time stands still for a second as you’re hit with a purely genius idea? At least, you think it’s genius. And you can’t help but walk or drive faster, so that you can get to your destination and begin to work on your newly inspired idea. Ever had that happen?

Well yeah, that’s what prompted my last post. I was hit with a genius idea: to begin a writer’s series on silently strong women. So what did I do about it? I impulsively copied and pasted previous material that I’d written, edited it here and there, threw together a conclusion (which really wasn’t very good) and posted it as “My Story in a Giant Nutshell.”

I didn’t think AT ALL about how other people – how you – would respond to it. It didn’t even occur to me that the content was quite shocking and potentially hurtful. I mean, really, it’s been my story for over a decade, and I’m comfortable with it now. I promise you, I am. Yet maybe that’s where I went wrong. Maybe that’s what led me to believe that there would be no after shock. Maybe, in my excitement to draw closer to you all through my open writing style, I pushed you farther away.

I posted my story, being fully comfortable with it, in an attempt to move forward as a writer and to potentially grow closer to the people in my life. At this point, I feel like I’ve done just the opposite. And that’s what makes me sad. That’s why I will never forget Thanksgiving 2012 – because I made a mistake. I hurt people. I didn’t think before I acted. I acted impulsively and there’s not much I can do about it now. Except for humbly apologize.

So this is me, tail between my legs, big eyes pleading with you. I’m sorry that I peed on your carpet. Please forgive me.

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